So...you know how I sit right in front of my boss' office at work, right? (You might not have known that, but now you do.)
Sometimes when I'm sitting at my desk scouring the internet or refreshing my Blogger feed for the 800th time that day, I start to drift off into Snoozyland and I have this weird daydream that my boss storms out of her office and comes out here to slap me around and tell me to "DO SOME WORK, DAMN YOU! GODDAMMIT, YOU DO SOME GODDAMN WORK!!!"
I dunno why, I mean...I DID my work. It's done. If some more comes along, I'll surely do it in my normal swift and awesome way, so it's not like I'm not doing my part. And it's not like I necessarily WANT her to slap me or anything. BUT...I guess I could probably sue the company or something. At least possibly get a promotion, which I feel like is otherwise destined to NEVER happen given my history of "We-Went-With-A-More-Qualified-Candidate" speeches they've given me the last billion times I've tried.
I think mostly it's because getting slapped around by your boss would make a damned good story and as far as my life goes, I don't have a whole lot of really stellar stories to share. My adventures are fair game for blog fodder, but rarely does something happen that I would wanna talk about out loud. You know those "are you shitting me??" stories that people whip out late at night at a bar or when you're trying to impress some new friends? I need those!
The ones I do have are lame and kinda embarrassing!
*This one time...I fell into my uncle's grave when I was trying to reaching a rose on top of his casket but I forgot I was short and fat.
*This one time...I saw DJ Qualls at the airport but I didn't say anything because I couldn't remember his name, plus I'm not really even a fan.
*This one time...my dad ran over my foot.
This one time my boss got so pissed, she just walked out of her office and slapped the shit outta me right in front of everybody.
"No way...are you shitting me?"
No. I'm not shitting you.
I own that company now.
THIS ROUND'S ON ME!